I want to write a story. specifically, I want to write a story about a ballad. if I say who its by, people in my life will likely mock me, as I am delving far too deep into yet another interest, once again, who, once again, happens to be a person. Frickin' musicians...*grumble* blasted hot bluesy boy with awesome voice like whiskey-soaked sunshine. but I digress.... presuming that I'm using the word "digress" properly. My prob is not only said musician cool.... his mom is too. she's a foodie blogger with some of the best recipes I've ever heard of, and she's always been very nice response-wise when I comment (nicely, of course) on her blog/twitter. some of her recipes very well may help me survive culinary school, or at least my final. but its weird, liking her son. as much as I like the notion of befriending both of them, it still feels a bit bizzare.... kinda like I'm trying to collect 'em or something. weirds me out, even though I know my intentions are pure, and that my only motive for wanting to get to know them is to have another friend or two. wish my mom was that cool.

..............okay, here is where I was going to write a long-winded blog about Thanksgiving and the awesomeness of family and tradition and all that. It was gonna be........right here.....and I can't bring myself to write it like it should be, all saccharine sweet and full of the joy that normal families have, at least once a year. I can write what it is/was, but it won't be the same.

I'll hack this down to the bare bones as quick as I can. was abused most of my life. Sisters know a little about it, grandparents don't know squat, same as majority of family. Only ones who really know about the damage incurred are me and my parents, and they have VERY selective memory about anything pertaining to my life before I moved out. Thanksgiving when I was younger was always held at Grandma's house, though by the time I was 8-ish, the sisters had....*ahem* extended the family enough that for room issues, it started being at Mom and Dads house out in Cusick, primarily because thats where everyone in the family short of the sisters lived. size of the house didn't hurt either, I 'spose. Mom made the turkey, Grandma made ham, side dishes were kinda a crapshoot on who brought what, so we usually ended up with a lot of sweet potatoes and a lot of desserts. Grandpa always made fudge and peanut brittle until age and illnesses finally made it so he couldn't cook anymore. I always remember fighting with my two older sisters (much older, like 15-20 years older) over Grandma's black forest cake with the fudge frosting. Usually it ended up with all the frosting gone between me and my middle sister, with me getting the blame.Being youngest sucks sometimes! No specific table settings, no place where we all sat and talked and laughed, most of the family didn't like each other, and the ones who did like each other found the atmosphere too awkward usually to talk much anyway. After everyone grew old enough to splinter off into their own family traditions, myself included, the dinners stopped. Frankly, I get the feeling everyone in the family just didn't like each other enough to continue the game every year.

I've gone to other folks' places for thanksgiving in the past, some friends' families, some party-style get togethers, some casinos, and to my middle sister's as well. The friends families all seem so genuinely happy to see each other, and have welcomed me so fully into their family festivites that truth be told it freaked me right out. My friend Carissa's mom makes a point of trying to hug me whenever I come over. Noooooot used to physical contact in the way of affection, or at least I wasn't then. I avoided that woman like the bubonic plague for years. Nowadays I'm over it alot more. Something tells me that my drunken tell-all with Kyle and Carissa on Halloween has a lot to do with it. but more on that later. Casinos are just a place to eat while they take your money. sad, yes. true? that too. Party-style get togethers are always awesome, though a little bittersweet, as they are usually full of people who either don't like the holiday, couldn't make it home, or have nowhere else to go for the holiday. Middle sister's place I always feel weird about going to. She has her own family. Its normal and working for her. Even in my own family I'm kinda the odd man out. I'm too weird for a lot of them. Its fine, I don't need them to understand me. Primarily though, I'm glad I'm no longer forced into family festivites. Why? well, besides the reasons previously stated, its because truthfully, I don't think I really love my family.

I know, it's a horrible thing to say, but it also happens to be true. there are people in my family I love, don't get me wrong, but most of them? I really don't. If I had to pick who I actually love in my family, I think it would be my grandma and my nephew, Bobby. And my dad....most days. There are days when I hate him wholly for letting my mom do whatever she wanted to me just so he'd get left alone for a while, but if there's one thing I learned besides how to roll with repeated slaps when someones on top of you in that house, its self-preservation. I think I love my Grandma just because she doesn't really like my mom any more than I do. She loves her, but she thinks she's kinda a bitch. which i agree with, minus the love part. My nephew Bobby is just in a messed up scenario. His mom's a good mom, but she plays favorites, and she admits it. she's told me she doesn't love Bobby as much as his older and younger sibling. which is fucked up. But, at the same time, I love Bobby more than his older brother, and I flat-out think the little one should be in a psych ward somewhere before he turns into the next Red Dragon. Apparently there is more than a little crazy in the ol' genepool. Thank Frank I'm adopted, though nature vs nurture does rear its ugly little head on occasion. I think knowing all my life that I was adopted is why I count my friends as my real family, versus the one that brought me home from the hospital.

My parents may have taken me home from the hospital and "raised" me, but I trust the family that I've forged out of my near and dear friends more than I will EVER trust the people I call my parents. Even though we've drifted apart, I know that if I needed a ride to the airport because I'm covered in someone else's blood and carrying two million dollars in a shot-up bag, I can call any friend in my phone, and they'll bring me a fresh change of clothes, let me shower at their place, pay for the plane fare if needed, and get me on a plane to Guatemala before the cops even find out something has gone awry. And I would do the same for them, because I love them.


Anyway, that was going to be a thanksgiving blog, and now its turned into another self-reflective rant. seeing a pattern here. *grumblegripepout* oh well, the self-therapy sessions are doing me a world of good, so I can't really complain. nearly midnight. all for now. goodnight all! Or goodnight me! whatever's going on with this thing. ;)

I tell ya, it's taking all my willpower to not turn this into another "dammit I'm lonely and need a boyfolk around the house" blog, but with the way I'm feeling tonight, it bloody well may turn into that. So for all of youse out there who aren't interested in my love life..... might wanna go away now.


Let's try and start it a little different though, shall we? Start with the Austin trip and we'll see where this takes us.


So for those who I don't talk to that often (namely everyone.....sorry guys, my bad), I ended up going down to Austin a couple weeks ago for the Austin Film Festival and a concert. Concert: Kane.
Movie: The Forlorn Hope/Donner Party
Yes, they both have a common factor.... Christian Kane. Shaddup, I know.... that far to stalk someone? How lame am I? And to those out there saying such things, I say "screw you guys!" I had a blast on my random side trip, and it isn't my fault that ya'll don't have a passion for things that's strong enough to justify going somewhere far away for something you deem special. If anyone here has ever taken a trip to visit a relative that wasn't on their deathbed, you may know what I mean.

Anyway..... so got on the plane at six am, ended up in Austin around 245 after a chilly layover in Denver and some bitchin' turbulence midway between Denver and Texas. Stepped off the plane and into that sweet southern humidity and damn near squealed in delight...... warmth! After freezing temperatures back home! sooooo happy. Hopped a cab down to the Paramount Theatre, found out where the movie was going to be playing..... for the record, Locals, please stop ending your sentances with "you can't miss it"..... please?! YOU can't miss it.... you live there. I however will walk past the right street seven times because its my first time in Austin!

So after getting horribly lost in a heat that I am coming to realize I am NOT ready for,(humidity+sweatin'+liquid eyeliner=bad) found some help and A/C in the Austin public library, where a very nice librarian gave me directions to the closest ice cream joint, reccomended some excellent bbq, chatted me up for a little bit, and sent me on my way with a map that had lil' hand drawn "you are here" spots for me! Come to think of it, everyone I met in Austin was super super nice..... never seen so many nice people in one city.....

So icecream wasn't the best thing I've ever had, but that's what I get for ordering plain ol' Mexican Vanilla when there was bitchin' Guinness ice cream that was readily available. Ice cream guy was super cute, looked like a happier/smilier version of Johnny Depp in Benny and Joon, all the way down to the funky hat! Might've tipped him ten bucks on a four dollar icecream...... what can I say? hotties bring out the inner flirt in me!

Best part of this side excursion? There was a Whole Foods across from the Ice cream shop!!!!!!!!! I'd never been to one before, but my chef raves about them like they've descended from heaven above..... and he's so totally right! Never have I felt like hugging a meat section more than going to this place....... dry aged meats, sausage made in house, all local, most of it organic, all kept at 60/60...... could've died and went to culinary heaven in there! Could've, but was already running late-ish for the show, as I knew the odds of me getting lost again. bought thirty bucks worth of truffles, local apples, some house-made bbq, and some handmade lemonade, chatted up the super-nice cashier, and headed out, grinnin' like a loon for the awesomeness of the food. Next time Im spending a month in there.... you'll find me squirreled away in the back of the meat section making sausages......

So went to the show, was plesantly suprised to see it was a short-ish line, though it grew as we stood there. Saw Clayne Crawford and about 80% of the cast of the movie there, thought it was awesome that they were all there.... turned out it was kinda their premiere. So as the line gets longer, I realized I'm in the wrong line for tickets. But that line was only 2 people long at the time I figured it out, so still got in pretty quick behind them once they started lettign people in. most of this wouldn't be relevant to the story, but it is, because in the line is where I met this awesome chick who was working the Film Festival named Barbara. we hit it off real well, she had the awesomest converse and hat I've ever seen, and she (inexplicably)found me amusing. We made plans to hang out during the concert, and parted ways for the show. Movie was awesome, more poignant than my other fave cannibalism movie,(Ravenous) but totally cool. 'Bout a quarter way thru the movie, had 3 heads get in my way.... latecomers..... but not any latecomers, Kane's bandmates. Honestly wouldn't have noticed, but I saw long blond hair and remarkably awesome cheekbones and my brain when "hey, isn't that Steve Carlson?" Apparently sound check went longer than they'd figured.....eh, at least they showed to support the show/Chris. After the show the cast and crew did a Q&A, and then I proceeded to walk 10 blocks to Antones. At night. In a strange city. While belting out Somebody to Love by Queen. Lol and yes, that is just how I roll about 90% of the time.

Made it to the concert, got there earlier than I had thought I would for walking. Met Barb, who had met a girl named Jessica, who looked really damn familiar...... as it turned out, we'd met in Vancouver at the Supernatural Convention! had a blast reconnecting, and then the show started.

Dear Lord those boys know how to put on a show! Felt bad for Chris and Steve, their vocals were shot from being sick and on the road for the past few days prior, but they were real troopers about it. And I will say, those two can pack away the JD between the two of 'em. Danced, drank, danced some more, drank some more, sang at the top of my lungs, had an all out rip-snortin' time, and was generally more unruly than usual..... I'm making a point to be more unruly in my everyday life, I can't remember the last time I've had so much fun! After the concert, Chris stuck around to make sure everyone who wanted an autograph (so basically everyone) got one. Somewhere around a hundred plus people. Jess, Barb and I waited. While we were waiting, we talked with the movie cast and crew, and talked a bit with Steve. Well, Jess and Barb talked with Steve. I shook his hand, had a slamdanceglamfabulous moment w' him. He was talkin' with Barb and Jess, but he kept lookin' over at me with this "where the fuck do I know you from?" look. Finally he realized we hadn't been introduced that day (had at vancon), and we shook hands. he gave me a little grief about my firm handshake..... dammmit I almost hugged him right there. sweetest man I've ever spoken to. Ever. just being near him is like being welcomed into the world. Talking to him is even better, like drinking sunlight. Anyhoo, he headed out to pack up his gear, and we ended up leaving while waiting. had some awesome, had some awesome conversation, and headed to the airport.

yes, I know it's a shitty ending to this, but it's almost midnight and I've got class in the early am hours. I will come back and make this better, I promise!

besides, like anyone ever reads this anyway, 'cept me.


g'night all my phantom/nonexistent readers!

Steve Carlson's Spot in the Corner. Makes me smile every time I hear it

marriage isn't the blasted tooth fairy, there isn't any "believing" in marriage. Yes, I think if folk know they won't get caught that it ups the appeal of cheating, but I believe that any good relationship that works involves two people who aren't interested in being with anyone but their significant other. Marriage isn't necessary, it's a piece of paper and a big ceremony. I like the idea of marriage, but it isn't as important as having a solid relationship.

I"m starting to wonder if it's just listening to Christian's music that's put me in this mood to expunge some of my issues from my brainpan and get it down on paper, so to speak. Second time tonight I've wanted to talk with someone, and, since I don't have anyone to talk to, I'm talking to the internet. Kinda lame, right? I guess that's the whole point of a journal, though, having someone to talk to that won't judge or talk back........ It just feels like there's something missing...... sad thing is, I know exactly what's missing. It's missing a pair of eyes that look at me while I'm talking, and a mouth that sets in a concerned line when I get to parts that are darker than I"d normally get to while talking with friends.

*siiiiigh*..............*whacks head against wall* what the hell, people? why is it that I'm destined to be alone my whole life? is it because I have standards? because I know what I want in a guy, but I'm too scared to go for it? Or is it because the guys I like, my type, I guess, has a tendency to be more commonly found in the public eye? Most girls get at least one crush on people that are realistic, possibly even in their friend group...... what do I get? borderline obsessive over folk, either ones in my life (Everett and Brandon from grade/highschool come to mind) or people I"ll never meet/get to really know (CK, Shia, Marsters, Groban..... you get the idea). Thing is...... with the famous ones, it's rarely about the looks. Don't get me wrong, most the guys I like are top shelf attractive, but it's very rarely the whole package that grabs my attention first.....

Groban's voice hit me in high school, when I was scraping the bottom of the barrel, wondering why it felt like no one cared that I was locked in a box at the bottom of the Marina Trench, waiting for someone to see, to acknowledge that my parents weren't the perfect people my friends thought they were. It didn't matter that he sang in languages I didn't understand, it just mattered that the music was able to touch a part of me I thought would always be ragged and bleeding, just a raw wound where emotion was supposed to be. There were other, considerably more angsty bands that would make their mark on me, normally when I was trying to choke down anger, hatred, pain, anything my family could use against me, but Groban always reminded me that there was a softer side hiding somewhere in there that was just waiting for a chance to shine. "Remember When it Rained" can still make my throat close up with sadness, with unshed tears, but in a good way..... it reminds me that I can still feel like that, and that it's alright to cry, to be sad, and that it isn't weakness to show it, or feel it. Oceano is still the song I put on when I'm miserable and I want to smile through the sadness.... one of the few songs I can sing even when I'm choked up with tears.

James Marsters, not unlike David Boreanaz, hit me mid-high school, when Buffy parties at Amanda's house were just starting. At first, we all bonded over how hot we thought the boys were, though eventually, that started to matter less and less to me. It was about the companionship that that series represented to me..... how me, Jenny, Amanda, Sidney, Sammy, Carissa, and Sam would all pile onto the couch/floor/ottomans/whatever on Thursdays, pop in a dvd, and all hang out and be comfortable with one another. The Buffy show became such a lynchpin for the group that we all had our own characters that we laid claim to. I was Faith. Amanda was Buffy, Sid was Tara, Sam was Spike.... Sammy, Sid, and Amanda even signed my yearbook as their Buffy alter-egos... James obviously ended up doing other projects after Buffy and Angel, but those sharp-ass cheekbones and that smirk, no matter what role he plays, will always remind me of puppy-piles of friends watching a vampire slayer over a big bowl of popcorn, or burritos, or twice baked potatoes, and of coaxing a friend to go off the rope swing at No Name Lake. Short version of that story, we all started singing one of the Buffy Musical songs to give her confidence..... somewhere around "it's do or die," she took the plunge.

I should include Hugh Jackman in this as well. Some of my High school friends'll think they know why, but most of 'em are wrong. Hugh grabbed my attention for being attractive in X-Men, true, but truth be told, his versatility as an actor amazed me. I never had thoughts of us meeting across a crowded room or whatever nonsense goes through fangirls' heads when they think of their fave actors. God's truth, may I be struck dead for lying. I admired Hugh for loving his wife as much as he did/does, and for adopting, and for loving his adopted kids like they were blood of his blood. I admired him for being a decent human being when it seemed to me that all adults had horrible ulterior motives for everything. Hugh gave me a little bit of hope in the human race again...... and introduced me to some of my favorite musicals of all time, via the Tony awards. He sent me a playbill from THE BOY FROM OZ. My mom let me go to New York to watch him perform onstage. It remains one of the best memories I have.

I also have to blame Hugh for indirectly showing me the wonderful world that is comic books. X-Men opened my mind to so many things..... and it taught me how to control all that anger that was bubbling inside me for so long. And as pretty much everyone knows, after X-Men came a rediculous amount of Marvel comic book movies...... I dressed up in some way for all of 'em, and I loved every second of being such a dork. Even got a couple of my buddies interested in 'em..... never seen Tony wanna kill someone more than when a freshman put his chair leg down on top of one of my Chamber comic books. Even now, when I need to unwind or just wax nostalgic for a while, I'll read comic books. whoever said that comics were just for kids was friggin' stupid. comics are for everyone, dammit.... it's just as good as a novel, but it's got incredible artwork!

Shia I can honestly say didn't blip my radar at all until Transformers, and that's just because me being the comic/movie/cartoon dork I am, I fell in love with the new rendition... Shia's acting wasn't bad, but because of him, indirectly, mind you, I found the IMDB boards. From those boards I've made some amazing friends. Becky, Hannah, Annie, Kat, Davina, Denise, Melody...... I love these girls so much, it's like we've always been friends.

Christian Kane, truth be told, has blipped my radar before, but it's always been a mild blippage...... Lindsey in Angel, Young Hub in Secondhand Lions, roles that I always saw him in when I was distracted by other things in life, or even in said shows. It was kinda an interest via osmosis, truth be told. Went something like this: Went to the Supernatural Convention (cuz I'm a fan), met Aldis Hodge, realized I was likely the only fan there who'd never seen Leverage, decided to remedy that once I got home. Also at said convention, fell in love with a musician named Steve Carlson's music, and found out he also plays with Christian in his band, Kane. So, armed with those two associations, and the knowledge he was on Angel, started watching Leverage. Liked it, thought the acting was good and the storyline was top shelf, but Christian didn't hit my radar until an episode where he had to chop like forty scallions for a scene.......

........ right then, I was hooked. My inner culinary dork had reached through the screen and made a friend as she watched him chop these perfect scallions with a Shun knife..... one of my fave brands of culinary knife-ware. And, as Aldis and Steve had mentioned at the convention, those scenes weren't prepped beforehand or anything..... it's a genuine passion of his..... cooking that is, so everything there was authentic. Couple episodes later, the man is slicing these perfect multicolored pepper slices......... and yes, I know, it's sad that it was pretty much love at first chiffonade, but he's definately someone I'd love to cook with. The man knows his way around a knife, and that's impressive enough to me. Doubly impressive that he knows his way around throwing knives as well. But the man didn't blip my radar as "OMG HE'S HOT I MUST HAVE HIM" at all until I learned a couple of his interests..... now he's looking more interesting. Don't get me wrong, I think he's attractive, but truthfully, his interests click with mine, and I'd likely want to get to know him even if he had a hump, half his face melted off, and walked with a limp. Though I must say..... I do get a little fangirl over the hair. It's shoulder length....... and I find that really attractive when men can pull that look off.... If Christian's anything like Steve, I'd love nothing more than to talk with him for a bit.


random tangent: Why is it that there's no normal fans anymore, just crazed fangirls? I mean seriously! I was singled out as an utter weirdo at the Supernatural convention because I liked the notion of talking like a rational human with the actors rather than trying to lick their shirt off or whatever it is fangirls are supposed to do in those situations. Hell, I was so determined to not be one of those girls, I ended up damn near snubbing Jensen Ackles at Steve's concert. I think the non-hero worship that I displayed confused him considerably more than if I'd tried to jump him by the bathrooms. but I know both him and Steve heard me when I told Becky that I wasn't going to bother them, that they'd had to deal with us at the convention, that I wouldn't bother them during their downtime because it was rude, and not my place. I know Jensen did, because he looked at me different when I came back inside and got a drink. I raised my glass to him, he nodded, there was a split-second of understanding, and I went off and found a place to sit and watch the people. Steve seemed flabbergasted(just a little) that I didn't follow him around like the other girls did, that I merely complimented him briefly, thanked him and his bandmates for the concert, and left. He did tell me that he wasn't going to ever get tired of hearing what I told him. Not gonna lie, might've fangirl smiled at that.
"You'll probably get tired of hearing this, but you are an amazing musician with a remarkable voice, and I just wanted to thank you for the awesome concert"
I've never seen a man look so flabbergasted, impressed and flattered at the same time..... after he said he'd never get tired of hearing that, I thanked him again, then got into the cab and went home. See, world? Normal fan, right here! *points at self* Take notes! though truth be told, I might get a bad case of the smiles should Christian ever talk to me without alcohol in my system...... at least the first time. should there be future encounters, I get better at talking with new people as time goes on.


holy crap it's almos 1 am. we'll continue this later, ok?

I miss kissing.

....... okay, weird way to start out a writing bit, but it's true. I miss the feeling I get when I'm in a relationship, the highs, the lows, the heart racing as lips touch..... I miss smiling just because I know that someone cares about me. Why is all this hitting me now? Heck if I know..... it's been years since anything remotely close to a relationship has graced my doorway, so maybe it's just nostalgia for a good makeout session rearing its ugly head. Not that I haven't had one recently (damn you Tony for making my brain hurt about that), but it made me miss the notion/sensation of being in a romantic situation. Just one main problem, and I know I say this alot, but it still holds sway...... Spokane has virtually nothing in the way of decent, kind, single men in my age range.

Now, I'm not going to wax poetical/philosophical about how men should be more like the ones in romance novels, because frankly, that's stupid. If there was a man out there that was perfect in every possible female's mind, he would've been put on display as a rare creature, rather than written about in books. Besides, I wouldn't know what to do with a Lancelot if I did find one. Perfectly nice men make me nervous. They could be as genuine as humanly possible, but I wouldn't know what to do about/with it! I want someone who's a little scrappy with me, willing to joke around and tease me, not this perfect chivalry nonsense. That said, Chivalry is an awesome concept, but some of the stuff, like laying coats over puddles so women can cross is a little dumb. Don't try and keep my poor little sneakers dry, splash in the puddles with me, laugh when we splash each other, and when its pouring down rain, suggest a walk rather than treat me like cotton candy, melting at water's very suggestion.

I must say, I've missed listening to country music. I'd forgotten how much emotion can be in a singer's twang, in an acoustic guitar's twang, in the way a violin or fiddle takes a breath while it's player coaxes the strings to life. I've missed taking the time to actually listen to a song for what it is, rather than the background noise in the car. *shakes fist* Curse you Steve Carlson and Chris Kane for reawakening the musician that was fine being dead in my heart!
......... okay, so maybe it wasn't fine, but I will admit, I never, EVER thought I'd miss being able to express myself the way dance and music used to free me. Kind of like writing used to free me. I used to write angsty poetry and gentle romance scenes that never went further than kissing because that was as far as my knowledge went about love. I miss painting, and sketching, even if it was mostly abstracts..... hell, I even miss math. Did I give up my artistic side to go to SCC and be a chef? Sometimes it seems like it, and it always feels wrong to feel that way, somehow. Chefs are supposed to make art with their hands, their ingredients, their passion...... being in school, it feels like all we are supposed to do is follow the recipe, not listen to what the food and our own passion is telling us. My chef-teachers look at me like they're disappointed in me when I find a different way to interpret the recipe, like putting croutons and shredded parmesan on pea soup as a garnish. I don't get it..... I really don't. I want to create food that makes people smile, and that makes me smile making it.

Speaking of Chris Kane...... the man knows how to cook, is a decent actor and musician, and has epically hot hair..... why in the name of god is he still single?

wait, is he still single? *shrug* whatev, doesn't concern me. That said, if I had the choice between competing in Iron Chef or cooking a big dinner for friends with Chris..... it's definately Christian for the win. I like the notion of cooking good food for people I love with a man I respect who I want to learn so much from.... about cooking, about acting, about being a musician, heck, about how the hell he gets his hair to look that good!

I dunno, maybe I just want a friend...... one I can be totally honest with without having to hide a piece of me away.... no one really knows me, and I know part of that is my fault, but dammit, it's hard to find someone who'll listen while I just get it all out, rather than find something else to do or get distracted.... I mean really listening, really caring.


*sigh* therapy session is over for tonight..... maybe more later.

Laundry is kinda like pie.... occasionally a pain in the ass to deal with, but always best when fresh and still warm. Got back from Lake Chelan today, went to hang with Liz and Nattie for a couple days. was a lot of fun, and got to go on my first wine tasting(s) ever! totally doing more of those in the immediate future, they're really fun and nowhere near enough liquor to get a person hammered.

So getting ready for the Supernatural Con in a couple weeks, got one last bit of my costume to take care of, a Ramones tank top that should take me all of a day to deal with once I get a tank top that I like. Really looking forward to the Con. Traci Dinwiddie, the actor who plays the character I'm going as for the costume party is talking via twitter about showing up one of the days.... yay! I've got a jewelry bit that I think she'll love that I'll bring with me just in case she shows up. speaking of bits to bring.... gotta work on the last two pieces. Jared's journal pissed me off so I'm doing another. if I hate that one's composition too, then I'm going to pick one and just go with it. the irritation is not worth it anymore.

OOH!!!! Tim finished my knife! it looks totally awesome! I've gotta go tomorrow and see if I can't print off a better pic of it, which I hope like hell I can do. the sanskrit markings I think are irritating him, and if I get the right color shots he can dye the antler bone the same as the supernatural knife. thirty bucks for a prop first version, eighty for a steel one if/when I get him better pictures. so totally awesome. I love my job sometimes.

The fact that my cousin got into culinary school to be a pastry chef after I told her I wanted to open my own bakery kinda pisses me off. No real logical reason, but she got into the CIA when I'm stuck at INCA right after I told her my aspirations?! that bitch! GYAH!!

that is all.


.... for now, anyway.


And GI Joe was a bitchin' movie! I'm so totally in love with Snake Eyes right now, it's not even funny.

bored, hate myspace, gonna throw a bulletin up here instead to entertain myself. might do another post after that. we'll see.



Where do you go when you just need to get away?
If we're talking real trip-style "get away," it's normally to the beach. 'Round town though, there's a cool tree in Mission Park that I go to.

Who is the last person you high-fived?
um......... Nattie, I think.

Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate?
Unsure, but nice thought to have.

What is the one thing you'd love to happen tomorrow?
My contacts to come in the mail!

Last time you got butterflies in your stomach?
hehe *blushes* Thinking 'bout someone a couple minutes ago...

Do you have any shoe boxes full of old photos/letters/other memorable stuff?
Nope, went out and got a proper box for it!

Which is worse for you: being hot, or being cold?
being cold. I've been known to pile blankets sky high on my bed in summer

If you had the opportunity to live forever, would you take it?
I think I would, but only if the "eternity" thing came with youth too. Living forever and growing older and older would just suck.

If your bedroom walls could talk, what would they most likely say?
" *sigh* Hayley, can you please stop talking to yourself while you write? it's distracting."

Did you like the show Invader Zim?
Did? still do!

What is true love to you?
waking up in the morning next to someone and being as happy to see them as you were the day before.

Do you say sorry first?
I think it's becoming like a comma in a sentence for me.

Has someone ever made you a promise & broke it?
Yeah. Several times.

Are you wearing something you borrowed from someone?
nope!

Where is the person you hate the most?
I don't really hate people. takes too much energy and is very rarely a productive use of brain cells.

Is there a word that makes you laugh whenever you hear it?
Tadpole, Persqueeter, and Twitter/Twits.

Are there any songs you can't listen to because of what they remind you of?
yea, but that doesn't stop me sometimes from listening to them.

Is there anyone's smile that just makes you go weak in the knees?
Not right now, but there are a couple people whose smiles make me wanna jump into their arms, hug them real tight and never let go.

Do you have crazy out-of-control hair?
Not right now, get back to me when it grows out again.

Do you have an ex that you just can't get over?
maybe a little bit, but really that's just whenever I stop to think about the fact that I've been single since him.

Do you treat animals better than you treat some people?
yep!

Have you ever said OMG out loud?
hehe, all the time, sadly enough

What was the last thing you got fed up with?
Culinary drama. we're worse than theatre students. Seriously.

When it comes to learning new things, do you get impatient easily?
Sometimes. I like knowing everything humanly possible about whatever I'm doing, and I get impatient when my knowledge stream gets interrupted.

Do you ever start something and never go through with it?
all the time. Attention span of a caffinated hamster.

Have you ever been so tired that it actually hurt to keep your eyes open?
Yes

Has anyone ever (seriously) told you they wanted to marry you someday?
no.

Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
Crunchy!!!!!!!!!

What was the last thing you tripped over?
the Gateway comp box that I continue to leave in the doorway.

Where's the weirdest place you've fallen asleep?
Tree branch. not that weird, considering it's me.

Have you ever thrown up on anyone?
does yakkin' in the middle of a choir concert count?

Can you do a good impression of a turkey?
for living out in the country, you'd think it would be a yes, but no, I can't.

When was the last time you danced?
I dance every day, though I"m not a very good dancer.

Have you ever ridden a horse?
pssht. Yea! I miss riding.

Do you ever lay outside at night and just stare at the stars?
can't over the city lights. but I still lay outside at night.

Do you have any crazy family members?
Don't we all?

I wish that I can get through my classes without failing miserably, and that I can start making some real green again.

... shit. that's two wishes. eh, close enough.

Or, y'know, Dear whoever.... frick it's been forever since I've written on this thing. Life keeps getting in the way of stuff, and it's starting to suck. meh. Cest la vie and all that nonsense. speaking of nonsense, my supernatural interest is starting to get borderline obsession. *shrug* eh, tickets to the convention are already paid for at this point, no sense in going back on the interest now. It's just the way I am..... I have to find out as much as humanly possible about something, then I can put it down, step away, and continue on with whatever else I"m doing in my life. And since I retain a shitload of information, some useful, some not, I can't say it's always a complete waste of time. I mean sure, like I'm ever going to use the number of Titanic's passengers in real life, or probably any of the other randomness inside my head, but everyone needs a hobby, and mine is useless information. whatever. people like me anyway.

one of my buddies is trying to get me to twitter. She just might wear me down. well....... once I get a new phone, this twitter shit on my crappy little verizon lg isn't gonna work at all. maybe once I switch over to sprint. we'll see. Misha Collins twitters, and he's a hilarious sumbitch, so just might join up to get his funny little quips on my phone. And it's not an obsession. he's married so he doesn't blip my radar in that sense. Now the character he portrays...... different animal entirely. But hey, I actually can differentiate between character and actor, and I treat them different, respectively, so shaddup. Actors I respect and speak with as normal human beings. Characters I write about..... and occasionally do dirty things to/with in my mind.

On another note, summer resolution: to be more fun and let myself have more fun. To be random, and let myself laugh and play more. Plus, with like two weeks left to go in this school nonsense for the year, I really just wanna say "fuck it" to the whole thing. Kinda have in one class, but it isn't a class I"m gonna lose sleep over. I can take it again. doing well in the other one though. It's the written assignment thing. I hate written assignments, they suck! And they leave absolutely NO room for creativity whatsoever. *shrug* eh, Duane's assignments don't change much over the quarters, so if I do some of the assignments over the summer I can take his class whenever I can squeeze it in between other classes next year and already have a healthy chunk of the work out of my way. it's reading books, so it shouldn't take me too long. the books suck, but i've had to read shitty books before, so nbd.



Anyway, gonna sign off, just a random blurb while I'm waiting for Dad to come in so we can hang out and all that fun shit. later, ya'll!